It was late.  I was tired.  Your mother was tired.  We put you down in the bassinet.  Before i went to bed, I try to hear you breathe. This time I did not.  I woke you up and you felt cold.  I lifted you up and you were limp.  I screamed at you not once or twice, but a ton.  You didn't wake up.  I put you on your back and gave you CPR as your mom called 911.  As I breathed into your little lungs, you all of a sudden woke up and coughed.  I have no clue if you were asleep or if something was really going on, but that doesn't matter.  You are alive.  I want to tell you how much I love you and how much you mean to me.  As the paramedics, the police and the fire department came into the room, you smiled at all of them.  From that night on, I didn't care how tired I was or how much I never sleep, you are the world to me.  I can't imagine loving anything more than i love you.  It's like I've lived for you.  Always.

Tonight is supposed to be the last of layla's life.  Layla is the oldest dog here in the Whitlock household.  She is supposed to be put down tomorrow.  It has caused me to reflect on the important things in life.  Baby Joey, you are the most important thing to me, and your mom.  We love you so much.

You are almost 5 months now.  There are so many stories and milestones.  Right now you are sleeping away.  One day you might read this, one day you may not.   But it's out there.  As long as you know how much we care who cares about this stupid blog.

In the future, I'll tell you more about daddy's past.  It is only right to think about the future.  You are the future.  We love you.  Always.

So it's been  about 75 days since the little monster has been born.  He is supposedly over 14 pounds now. He is the cutest thing in the world!  I love my son so much.  I cannot be happier to see his face every day. It's really sad because I have a huge crush on him.  I mean, HUGE!

It wasn't always nice and simple like today. The first few days were so exhausting.  We were running on adrenaline, constantly tired and totally 100 percent focused on the baby.  Is he breathing, eating, sleeping, getting changed.

The milk did not come in so he lost a little weight the first few days.  Our doctor did not tell us that this was normal and my wife and I felt awful.  I mean, really awful.  We both left the office thinking we were the worst parents in the world.  Baby Joey sucked down the formula and he was just hungry.  He stopped crying at once.  Poor little guy.

So after we gave him formula, he ended up being a normal baby. Started gaining weight immediately.  My wife and I gave him the bottle and then sometimes she would pump after.  We had no free time.  It was crazy.  My in-laws place looked like a science lab with all the countless bottles around.  The dining room table has now been changed to his changing station.

Oh man, the bundle of joy is growing, and I can't get enough.  I just wanted to remind myself of these times.  The times I know we will forget.  The feeding, the pumping, all the exhausted hours of just trying to get him to be "normal".  Well the little man has grown, and we are so blessed.

Ode to Baby Joey....

On December 24, 2013, my wife Marisa and I gave birth to our first child, Joseph Reed.  At exactly the moment I first saw him, I swore I would never love anything more.

It wasn't supposed to happen like this.  He was due January 9, and we were planning on traveling to
Canada right after Xmas.  Sure we were playing with fire, but I just thought it would be really cool to have a baby with dual citizen.  Kind of like James Bond, but with an actual Canadian passport.

Well it's safe to say Baby Joey never wanted it that way.  It was all so surreal.  I knew right away something was wrong when the bathroom light was on.  Marisa never turns on the bathroom light since she knows i'll wake up.  In this case, it was symbolic.   Not only did that light represent the new dawn of our life with our first child.  It also represented the end of almost 39 years of sleeping in.

My new life.  It was so scary.  The umbilical cord was around Baby Joey's neck when he first appeared.  I was so afraid that something was wrong, but our doctor was incredible.  Swiftly with precision, she cut the cord in the proper places and delivered the baby to my wife.

I will never forget the look she had on her face when she first held him.  It was one of disbelief, joy, and relief that the gift she had been waiting for had finally arrived.  I could not have been prouder.  When the doctor handed over the 7 pound 1 ounce little guy, my heart fucking melted.  No, seriously.  Listening to his weak cries, I sobbed even more than him.  My heart was filled and I saw in Baby Joey the hope of the new world.

There is nothing more beautiful than the innocence of our children.  My love had not only grown for my own family, but for all families.  My heart instantly ached for parents who have had complications, missing children, and even the biggest fear, death.  I truly do not believe God puts that much love into our hearts only to be taken away.  I don't know how to describe it.

With the birth of Baby Joey, I knew I was a better person....